OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize