Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
