I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
