Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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