I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
