So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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