when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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