She's JV to your varsity
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
