I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
