There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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