I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
