Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
