I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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