i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
