maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
