WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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