I cannot find my penis.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
