Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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