Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
