When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
