Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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