just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
