I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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