i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
