I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
