I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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