Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
