I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
