So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
