Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
