Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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