physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
