Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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