Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
