I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
