"it" just moved
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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