The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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