so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
