Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
