So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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