What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
