If i come over, it means nothing
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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