Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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