i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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