I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
