ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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