after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
