I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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