Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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