I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
