Four minutes until I can fart!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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