TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
