I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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