No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
