there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
