Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
