and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
