So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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