i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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