walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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