having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
soo... how was my night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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