this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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