Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pants are for mortals
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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