Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
