fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
