everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
