You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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