from now on my penis is your penis
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
