Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I love having hate sex.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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