Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
